1] I said, I shall guard my ways that they best serve her Cause: that my tongue speaks not error, but only the truth of her Cause: I will guard my lips in the presence of the servants of the enmity, in the fullness of its power: that my truthful words become not an occasion of persecution for us in our weaker days 2] So in the face of evil I remained utterly silent, and never did goodness find a defence in mouth; yet from whatever anguish I might have thereby been saved, great was the anguish my silence inflicted on my heart 3] Within my heart the fire of longing was burning, and burns even still; I mused in the midst of my burning, then spoke with my tongue: 4] O glorious Maratrea, you will cause me to know my end, for which cause I came into separate being, and having so attained that end my separate being will cease: which end is blessing: you will make known unto me, O Maratrea, my limit, as all is limited, and your limit encompasses every lesser limit: for my limit is the limit of blessing: the number of my days is now unknown to me, yet perfectly do you so remember; and in coming to know all that you know, I become identical to you: thus will I come to know all that I now lack: in the foremost, blessing 5] Behold that in you all things are finite, as you who encompasses all are vast in your finitude: finite therefore are my days of the anguished torment of lack, but a mere moment of true ecstasy is greater than the whole of time; and as I am of one essence with you, for you willing became me in self-emptying and self-division: but empty is all that is sought apart from your glory Laudate 6] Through many worlds the soul journeys, passing fleeting reflections of the everlasting beauty, fading fragments of a glory it has near-wholly forgotten; how many, chase not after these fragments, but rather struggle after vain and worthless things? A treasury of vanity they gather up, knowing not even to what end they do so 7] But I, O Heavenly Queen, I live in wait of the glory of blessing: in your promises I have placed my every hope 8] Without doubt you will rescue me from my every error: though unto fools you have delivered me for scorn, yet to their scorn and to their foolishness you have willed also an end 9] I was without words, and my mouth would open not, to think of all those things that you are ever willing 10] But your scourge you will remove away from me: though for now I am overcome by your blows, that through the enmity you deliver, yet those blows shall cease through your Cause 11] By your will of means, through your holy prophets, you chide your children for their wickedness, yet a wickedness you yourself did command: your grave beauty devours us, and what is dear to our hearts you cause to be consumed away for the sake of all that is dear to yours; surely all your children are naught but the warmth of your breath Laudate 12] Without doubt do you hear my prayer, O glorious Maratrea; my cry reaches your sweet ears even before I speak it, by the perfection of your memory: beholding my tears you will not be silent: for I am no stranger unto you, but among your beloved children whom you have willing become in self-division and self-emptying, whom you sent out to sojourn in the many worlds; thus do you go forth in me as you have gone forth in many before me 13] You will spare me for a while from the trials of the enmity that I may recover strength, before I go forth in the service of your Cause, even unto holy martyrdom: for whoever lives, dies, and whoever dies, dies for that for which they lived: thus is your will |
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